This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
