Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
