No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
