wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yo dont text me then not text me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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