how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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