Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
