I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize