idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
