wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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