we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
