Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am available for nakedness
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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