Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
