I wish my penis had an off switch
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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