i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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