but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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