doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
