I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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