i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize