hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize