She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
