no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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