You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
