no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
