I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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