Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
