you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We are all done wearing pants today
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
