I'm eating all of the evidence.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
