The maid of honor just puked.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
