So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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