I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
