i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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