i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
