I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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