I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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