if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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