Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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