i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
