I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
