the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
