I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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