im about as happy as oj after his trial
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We need to get me chipped asap
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
