if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
