my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm passing your future prison.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
