Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
