return my video game
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
