And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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