my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize