This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
