I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
