I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
