I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
