i barfeds in our rink
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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