the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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