I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
