So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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