So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
