john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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