How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
