I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
accomplished twins. life is a go
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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