I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
