She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
