My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
