Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize