So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
