Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
