Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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