no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
