a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
