we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
its liver damage thursday
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize