Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
