tell your sister to shave her snatch
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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