ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
