Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
