I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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