considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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