He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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