I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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