It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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