I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
