so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
