Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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