Sponge bath it is.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
