a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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