The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
