I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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