Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
